The human spirit craves love. Love is a systematic chemical reaction encoded into the human genome, which scientist believe, was created to ensure the human species. Hate however, has baffled the scientific community.
There is no real scientific solution to the answer of why human beings hate. In fact, love and hate use the same part of the brain to trigger chemical reactions. However, hate can be toxic to the body, causing irregular sleep patterns and even high blood pressure. The reality is that hate is a potent emotion. One solution to rid yourself from the toxic side effects of hate is to fall in love with the person whom you loathe.
Steps to fall in love with the person you hate.
1. First, you must examine why are trying to fall in love with the person you hate.
Are you emotionally drained from hating this person? Is your health suffering from hate? Are you on a spiritual journey, where it is considered wrong to hate? Or are you trying to improve yourself by eliminating the toxins from your life? Whatever the case, acknowledge the reasons why you are embarking on this journey. Write them in a journal. This is your safe guard. Eliminating hate is a difficult journey, but it is necessary if you want to fall in love with someone you hate. So when you are struggling with the next steps and feel like you want to give up on loving this person. Pull out your journal and read why you embarked on this journey.
2. Next, you must examine why you hate the person you are trying to fall in love with.
Falling in love is a complicated physical and emotional journey. Understanding why you hate someone will give you the power to overcome that hate. Did this person hurt you? Or plan to hurt you? Did this person steal something from you? Hurt someone close to you? Is this person better than you at a specific talent? Was this person chosen for something when you were not? Whatever the case, examine where your hate stems from. Does it stem from hurt, jealousy, etc.? Write the birth story of your hate in your journal. Read your story to a close friend, family member, therapist, etc. Acknowledging the birth of your hate can validate the response to overcome it.
3. Forgive the person you hate and forgive yourself.
The person you hate hurt you. Whether it was intentional or not your feelings were hurt. Loving means forgiving. So love the person you hate by forgiving them and love yourself enough to forgive yourself of your past actions. It’s difficult to love if you’re punishing yourself from the action of your past. So forgive yourself and move on.
4. Get to know the person you hate.
Now that you know why you hate this person, observe them. Stalking is not advocated or suggested; just simply observe them in your normal interactions. Get to know their coworkers or friends. Ask them to coffee or lunch. This will give you insight on how they became the person they are.
5. Now that you know the person better, make a list of all the good attributes in the person you are trying to fall in love with.
You cannot love someone you do not like. It is impossible, because liking a person is a necessary stage of loving that person. Every human being has some attribute that distinguishes him or her from others. This may be a physical attribute, emotional attribute (ex. being caring), or a talent. This step can be very challenging, but really try to target the attributes of the person you are trying to desire. Write those attributes down on a piece of paper. [For example: Johnny has nice hair, a great smile, a sensitive personality, and plays the guitar well.] Every morning, for the next thirty days, read what you have written out loud. It takes thirty days to make something a habit. Not only are you starting your day off by thinking about all of the positive attributes of your desired partner but you are also creating the habit of focusing on their positive qualities and not their negative qualities.
6. Be intentional in your pursuit.
Being intentional is a vital part of any relationship. This step is going to be difficult, especially if the person you are pursing hates you as much as you hated them. Hopefully, after completing step the first few steps, you are accepting the flaws of the person you are trying to pursue and acknowledging the traits that may attract you to them. Bring them their favorite kind of coffee, buy them their favorite flowers, or read them the list of positive attributes you see in them. Being intentional is all about the details. Make every time you see them special, remembering their interests and desires.
7. Have an honest discussion with the person you are trying to fall in love with.
Be confident! Tell the person that at one point you hated them. Tell them why you hated them. Now tell them your journey of falling in love with them. Tell them about how you focused on why you hated them so that you get to know them and understand who they are as a person and how they became the person they are. Tell them how you came to realize all the wonderful attributes about them and last tell them about your pursuit. Tell them how you were intentional in making them feel special and appreciated.
8. Finally, affirm that you love them and accept their reaction.
For some of you affirming your love may mean the beginning of a healthy relationship. For others, it may mean loving the person enough to let them go. Either way, you no longer hate the person and now love them. You conquered your hate and showed someone love. For that, you should be proud.
I hope these steps have helped you in your journey of falling in love with the person you hate